Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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