I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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