I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
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