I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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