I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
