Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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