'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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