There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm both gender and math confused
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
