Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
