Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The air was thick with penises
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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