Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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