You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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