just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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