The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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