the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
