Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
