When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
