Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize