Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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