I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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