Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I look excited, but its just a facade.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
