you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
