you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
