I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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