Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My dick has a subreddit
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
