idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
