Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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