Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
