Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
now i know why i became what i already was.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
