it's not cheating when I paid for it
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize