would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
