it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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