You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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