If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
