I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
