was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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