Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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