Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Who wears a wallet chain?!
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I can't trust your balls anymore.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
