Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
