Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
