Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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