Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
