A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
