I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
