I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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