Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
