Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
