so that wasnt chicken after all
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
