why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
If I die, sorry about rent.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
