I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Randomize
