I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
