My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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