I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize