We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
