I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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