I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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