barbara walters just said penis...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
