Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
