you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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