I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
