we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
