it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
