Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
