how hairy? two words: wookie tits
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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