Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
