I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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