well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
