I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
