omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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