Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
