Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
