You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
