I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
