did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
