so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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