I'll bet she douches with gravy.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize