I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
