We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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