I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
