And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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