I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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