you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm both gender and math confused
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
